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Shawn

Adventures in Newark

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Posted by Shawn on May 31, 2007
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I live in Newark, Ohio.

Newark is an average town I suppose. Not too big, not too small. Full of its own little bits of history and such. Unfortunately after you live here for 20+ years you start to realize that Newark doesn't really keep up with the times. Aside from the movie theater most of Newark's attractions outlived their coolness in the mid-90's, leaving kids pretty bored.

My pal Ben was in town from the Navy this week, and he wanted to have a night out on the town. A night out in NEWARK. It's pretty hard to imagine to be honest. That is, until we realized something- The people who run Newark have a fascination of placing copper statues around town. Armed with car, a camera, and a KFC bucket, we vowed to make Newark fun.

The first stop was the Downtown square. Once the center of activity in Newark, it is now slowly being overrun with abandoned stores, bars, and stip clubs. Ok, just one strip club. The solution? Copper statues.

We're not sure what this one represents We're not sure what this one represents
Newark's monument to the 10 commandments. Not pictured: the strip club Newark's monument to the 10 commandments. Not pictured: the strip club

Continuing on our way we found a pair of old ladies (Phyllis and Dyllis we'll call them) who seemed to be in a heated debate about something. Old ladies aren't very interesting though, so we made the most of it. Phyllis caught Ben's eye, while I took the opportunity to challenge Dyllis to a thumb wrestling match.

Ben moves in Ben moves in
Arrrr Arrrr

As we strolled past the Midland theater, something caught our eye. Could it be?? Yes! It was Mark Twain!! Ben and Mark discussed the finer points of why Newark sucks.

Mark Twain! Mark Twain!
We pledge allegiance We pledge allegiance

Across from the Midland was a small park. Even though it was 1am, all the kids were out having fun. Ben took a moment to teach the kids about maintaining a healthy diet.

To the flag To the flag
11 herbs and spices 11 herbs and spices

Before leaving Downtown we decided to call up the party bus and tell it to look no further. Had to fill up on gas too.

Hello, Newark? Anything fun? Oh... Hello, Newark? Anything fun? Oh...
I spent almost $50 here I spent almost $50 here

Afterwards we headed to the OSU Newark University Campus to check out the college scene.

Lake-side fishing Lake-side fishing
This chick really enjoys studying This chick really enjoys studying

It turned out we weren't the only ones looking for something to do in Newark that night! Farther down the path we found an old man sipping a coke and smoking a cigar. After sharing some KFC, he challenged us to a match of chess.

Ben studies the next move Ben studies the next move
I never was good at this game I never was good at this game

Just as we thought our amazing night was coming to an end, we found some animals celebrating the circle of life. What better addition to a college campus than dancing animals?

... ...
This was actually really hard to climb This was actually really hard to climb

And that my friends, is a night on the town in Newark, Ohio. Jealous? I hope not. No wonder Newark has drug problems.


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